Feb. 12, 2019, Vol.17, Issue 1

What does mindfulness have to do with celebrating Valentine’s Day? Certainly love is worth celebrating, and the heart is a worthy symbol, but what if we give it a mindful twist?

Our mindfulness speaker and physician, Dr. Romila Mushtaq, (Dr. Romie), offers some thoughtful insights for today that can enrich our experiences of an occasion that is often taken lightly despite the deep human needs we all share represented by the theme of love.

“What if we could bring together the brain science, psychology, and mindfulness to make this Valentine’s Day a more authentic holiday?”  Dr. Romie asked a group of men she was addressing. “By celebrating Valentine’s Day authentically, you will both feel more connected … and rekindle a spark that you know is still present.”

NOTE: We should acknowledge that these tips were originally aimed at men. If you’re a woman reading this, you might want to share these tips strategically with your man or significant other. Or you might want to try them out for yourself with the partner you love. After all, everyone desires to be heard, acknowledged, and loved, not only females.

4 WAYS TO BRING EXTRA JOY TO YOUR VALENTINE’S DAY:  A BRAIN DOCTOR’S GUIDE TO VALENTINE’S DAY

There are few holidays as polarizing as Valentine’s Day. You either loathe the sight of paper hearts dangling around the office, or you see it as an opportunity to get closer to the special person in your life.

Dr. Romie has dug into her combination of neurological knowledge and spiritual training to suggest these four ways to use the occasion to enrich your relationship. The surprise is that they are so simple, yet unexpected.

What if you step back and consider the universal themes in this annual event? Everyone desires to feel heard, acknowledged, and loved — i.e. connection – and that is particularly true of many women. If women choose to tie Valentine’s Day or other holidays to seeking connection, why not make it a win-win situation for both of you? How do you accomplish this without having to fight the crowds in the mall on February 13th?

1.  Ask and you shall receive.

One kind of disappointment around any holiday typically stems from a breakdown in communication. So here’s a suggestion: communicate! Seriously, ask your lady what she wants to do and what gift would make her happy.

Honestly, women need to be reminded that you cannot read their minds. We women may think we have effectively dropped hints that we would love something like a gold necklace, white lilies or dark chocolates. But we were not mindful that our man was watching the NFL playoffs at the time.

Here’s what you can do: ask one of both of the following questions, “Can you help me plan something special for the both of us to do together on Valentine’s Day?” or “I’d like to buy you something special, can you give me some ideas of what would make you happy?” Obviously what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Your man may think he has dropped hints too, and you can use either of those questions on him just as well. Trust me, it works both ways.

2. Write a love letter.

When a woman feels emotionally connected to her partner, a powerful hormone known as oxytocin gets released. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone for women and a step in building sexual desire. I hate to break it to you, but texting, “I’m horny,” is not likely to get anything flowing. Psychological studies show that these hormones, and a subsequent feeling of connection, do not occur through digital communication. To feel a connection to the mind and body, we humans need a personal touch.

Don’t make the mistake of assuming that romance, pen and paper are all old school. Let her know how you feel. Let her see the words on paper and hear them from your voice. If you are uncertain how to begin, here’s a useful trick. Finish one of these phrases in your own words. “I’d like to tell you all the things about you that I love…” or “I’ll never forget the day I fell in love with you…” 

Barbara’s NOTE:  And women, you can do the same!  Write that love letter to him. Men LOVE to be appreciated, and this is a powerful way to make that connection.

3. Cook dinner together at home.

Don’t tell me that neither one of you can cook. If you aren’t up to creating coq au vin or spring rolls, simply break open a box of pasta with a side of sauce from a glass jar. There is something about the date “February 14th” that will make this meal prep romantic. Rev up the ambiance by setting the table and lighting a candle.  

Not only have you created a romantic evening right where you are; you have also avoided the crowds, the risk inherent in finding a last minute reservation, and the pressure of getting dressed up.

The scientific observer in me says that when you prepare a meal together, both of you are engaging your sensory experiences in the present moment. You are focusing on the task and the creative work at hand and allowing the rest of the worries of the world to melt away. This is all doctor code for “cooking is foreplay.” 

4. It is all in the breath.

If you are seeking an unexpected path into the sensual side of your relationship, you might try this simple breath exercise. It’s one of my most well received meditation exercises in couples workshops.

Sit facing one another (preferably with pets and children resting quietly in another room). Now inhale deeply as if your breath is expanding the lungs of the person in front of you. Exhale together. You should not be physically touching each other– yet. Repeat this exercise ten times or until your breath is in sync. Let the rest of the magic flow from there.

By celebrating Valentine’s Day authentically, you will both feel more connected and peaceful, and you may even rekindle a spark.  And take it from our expert, you will also have a happy brain.

Here is to a happy brain for your happy life. — Dr. Romie

Dr. Romie Mushtaq, MD

Dr. Romie Mushtaq, MD is a traditionally trained neurologist with additional board certification in Integrative Medicine. After suffering from career burnout and undergoing life-saving surgery, she traveled around the world learning mindfulness-based techniques and integrative medicine. 

Dr. Romie brings together Western medicine and Eastern wisdom to help individuals and audiences learn to heal from stress-based illnesses, achieve peak performance, and harness the power of mindful leadership. All of Dr. Romie’s programs are based in neuroscience, positive psychology, and mindfulness.

Now, I’m off to write a letter to my editor (that would be my husband) who deserves a lot of appreciation for editing this newsletter, among many other things.

I hope your Valentine’s Day is filled with meaningful connections with those you love. Until next time, take care of yourself for your well being and those you love.

Yours truly,
Barbara

The Speak Well Being Group is a specialized speakers bureau, focusing on speakers for hospital-sponsored community events, healthcare organizations, nurses, conferences and women’s groups. Our speakers are hand-selected. They are not only experts in their fields, they connect with their audiences while bringing them life-changing information, smiles of recognition and ultimately a sense of well being and hope.

Finding the perfect keynote speaker for your special event or conference is my personal passion, not just once, but year after year. It brings me great joy to know that your audience was delighted and moved by the speaker we selected together. I’m committed to making the process easy, pleasant and fun.