For Your Well Being: The Medicine of Belonging

Vol. 24, Issue 7 ·

October 15, 2026

 

Dear Friends,

I’ve added a new word to my vocabulary — “relationsick.”

Yes, you read that right. It’s the title of Lissa Rankin, MD’s new book, Relationsick: Why Putting Yourself Last Is Destroying Your Health — and How to Heal, released October 6th and co-written with Jeffrey Rediger, MD, MDiv, Harvard psychiatrist and author of Cured.

I first met Lissa back in 2010, when she came to Portland promoting her first book, What’s Up Down There? (a very appropriate topic for women’s health audiences!). Since then she’s written seven more books, including the New York Times bestseller Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself. In my humble opinion, she’s one of the most brilliant thinkers and writers in health and wellness today – and it’s those same qualities that make her an effective and powerful speaker. And you don’t have to just take it from me – she’s recorded four TEDx talks!

As Important as Not Smoking

We’ve spent decades talking about diet, exercise, sleep, and stress as the pillars of health. Well, it turns out there’s another one we don’t talk about nearly enough — each other.

Back in 2010, researchers at Brigham Young University pooled 148 studies covering more than 300,000 people. Those with strong social relationships had a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the course of the study, or to put another way, the risk of early death rises with social isolation. The effect of our relationships on how long we live, they concluded, is comparable to quitting smoking — and greater than that of physical inactivity or obesity.

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory called “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” [https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf] In it he warned that prolonged loneliness carries health risks similar to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Two years later, the World Health Organization found similar results world-wide: they linked loneliness to some 871,000 deaths a year worldwide — roughly 100 every hour.

Here’s the hopeful flip side: strong social connection lowers inflammation, reduces the risk of serious illness, and helps us live longer. As Harvard’s Robert Waldinger, who directs one of the longest-running studies of adult life, puts it, “Human beings need exercise, nutrition, and a sense of purpose — but most of all, we need each other.”

What It Means to Be “Relationsick”

Lissa is a former OB/GYN physician who left conventional medicine in 2007 to practice integrative medicine. She founded the Whole Health Medicine Institute to train doctors and therapists, and she has spent years asking why some patients don’t get better.

Relationsick is part of her answer. It describes how chronic relational stress — loneliness, weak boundaries, relationships where we give far more than we get, a persistent feeling of being unsafe — can keep the nervous system stuck on high alert. Stress hormones stay switched on; the immune system struggles; and inflammation builds.

But this isn’t a book about blaming other people for our symptoms. It’s about recognizing our own patterns, setting boundaries that aren’t walls, and building healthy relationships where our nervous systems can finally exhale.

What Audiences Want to Know

“What I get asked to speak about most often these days,” Lissa told me, “Is relational determinants of health, how loneliness can make us sick (especially since the pandemic), how relational trauma can make us sick, and how healthy relationships, strong community bonds, good boundaries, and discernment can help us feel safe enough to enjoy the health benefits of being embedded in community. People know their relationships are connected to their health, but they don’t know what to do about it.”

That last line is exactly why her message is so timely. “Find community” is good advice — but many of us were never taught how to build relationships that feel safe, reciprocal, and nourishing. And that’s exactly what Lissa teaches her audiences, with practical skills they can use the very next day. As she says, “Friendship is part of our health infrastructure.”

Two of her keynotes fit this moment beautifully:

The first, The Medicine of Belonging: Why Healthy Relationships May Be One of the Most Powerful Determinants of Your Health, explores the science of social connection — belonging, friendship, reciprocity, boundaries, and the difference between being merely surrounded by people and feeling truly connected. It’s a natural fit for corporate wellness programs, healthcare organizations, women’s conferences, leadership events, and community groups.

Her second keynote, based on her new book, Relationsick: How Putting Ourselves Last Is Destroying Our Health — and How to Heal, makes the case that relational health belongs in the conversation about physical health, right alongside nutrition, exercise, and following doctor’s orders. Audiences learn why “take better care of yourself” is sometimes incomplete advice — and what to add to it.

Ideal for healthcare, corporate wellness, and women’s audiences.

She’s still happy to speak on trauma-informed medicine and the Mind Over Medicine work, too.

If you’re planning a nurses’ conference, a women’s event, or an employee wellness program for the year ahead, I’d love to talk with you about bringing Lissa to your audience. You can learn more on her speaker page — and as always, there’s no additional fee to you for booking with us. The Speak Well Being Group is compensated by the speaker.

Meantime, a little homework from me: call a friend this week. Not a text — a call. Doctor’s orders. (Well, sort of. Second hand maybe – but in solidarity with the doctor.)

Until next time, take care of yourself — and each other — for your well being and those you love.

Barbara

 

For Your Well Being is published with the intention of bringing you insider speaking reports, exclusive stories about special events around the country, meeting planner tips, and fun stuff from the worlds of health and well-being. Be well and be in the know!

The Speak Well Being Group is a specialized speakers bureau, focusing on health and wellness for all types of organizations that want to foster health and well-being for their employees, members, clients, and in their communities.

Our speakers are hand-selected. They are not only experts in their fields; they connect with their audiences while bringing them life-changing information, smiles of recognition, and ultimately a sense of well-being and hope.Finding the perfect keynote speaker for your special event or conference is my personal passion, not just once, but year after year.

It brings me great joy to know that your audience was delighted and moved by the speaker we selected together. I’m committed to making the process easy, pleasant and fun.